Peace Or Hostilities?

14-03-2020 09:32 AM

AMMONNEWS - By Feras Werr -A momentary writer’s block made me seek the open air balcony of my home with my usual reviving caffeine friend in my hand on one warm August midnight. The heavenly population sparkled magnificently in the skies above as I enjoyed short flavorful sips of the delicious Turkish coffee while its potent aroma saturated the air around me. A graceful tranquility prevailed, being only broken by an occasional soft wind that carried within its wake the soft shuffles of the trees in the surrounding gardens. I was truly in a paradise for meditation that captivated me in total divine bliss for several minutes to the extent that I didn't hear it at first. It seemed hazy interferences to my senses but in a few short moments it got louder gaining my undivided attention. It was unbelievable. As my hearing focused bolts of awe tore through me from her alarming screaming. There was no doubt about it. It was the anguished SOS cries of a woman receiving a vicious beating. It was clear that the problem was happening at a house that was probably two or three minutes walking distance away from my apartment. Despite this the woman's hysterical yelling was powerful enough to completely fill the skies and the streets of my neighborhood. It continued for about ten bitter minutes uninterrupted making my spine chill countless times with no apparent interference by anyone to move the victim away from the path of her mad assailant. Suddenly it ended and everything quieted down. Nothing was heard but the shuffling of the trees once again as they answered the gentle summer currents that were gliding by.

This happened a year ago. Ever since then the woman cried three times and on one Friday morning when everything broke loose in her house I was able to hear what sounded like smacks all the way to my house. What I was witnessing were truly sorrowful, shameful and barbaric events that were happening at all in our community. Many times in the salons that I attend and within visits to friends I never cease to amaze at the amount of heads that would nod in disapproval when this topic would surface. Everybody publicly denounces this act of total inhumanity. But what happens to those views when both man and his wife reunite within the privacy of their homes. According to what I encountered in my life experience, and dealing with several issues myself via my private circle of friends, no married man in our Arabian area can assure that he enjoys a totally aggressive free relationship.

There are two points concerning this subject. The first one being: what we count as a produce from a minute or so of male anger or aggressiveness towards his female -which could range from a simple smack to a beating- is in fact a very serious violation of acceptable conduct. It is literally counted by law as an assault. To further clarify the situation, if we had two people that were quarreling and one of them physically assaulted the other, the assaulted person can file a charge against the assaulting person. This is because there was an attempt on their safety. This law doesn't change in a family problem. Our laws regard women as human beings and protect their safety as much as men’s. An assault is an assault whether it was on a man or woman and laws can be in effect immediately if there was a serious threat on someone and on his or her safety.

their legal rights in such circumstances. Special offices* with qualified psychologists and social workers are available around the clock at our Jordanian police offices for families that suffer constantly from the actions of violent males. This leads to a second point that can be major to marital homes and families. As a woman, is it alright to reunite back with someone that has assaulted you even with a smack across the face before?

Some men will find my following words as disturbing. However, truthfully speaking, before the reason behind your husband’s aggressive behavior is dealt with it is not advised that you reunite back with him at all even when under family or any form of pressure. By striking you as a woman in any way, he is announcing to you that he can be aggressive towards you at any time. The Christian priest, Muslim Imam or family friend will not be able to help in this problem. Your husband might be suffering from psychological disadvantages that need attention and counseling at a psychiatrist/psychologist's clinic. Your husband: 1) cannot exercise self restraint on his actions; 2) cannot communicate normally (meaning he cannot engage in normal discussion nor can he accept other people's points of views). Ignoring this might place your life in danger at a certain point once your relationship is back.

I have known religious figures and family that justified violence and was personally shocked by their irresponsible judgments towards this issue. Your family should be aware that beatings can be fatal to your life. The usual reconciling explanations that our society approves of that say “Your husband lost his temper, don’t we all lose our temper and it's your fault that you made him go angry,” are unworkable in this situation. Some time ago in the town where I live in and while society stood indifferently on repeated domestic violence a woman lost her life. Her aggressive husband pushed her and she smashed her head while falling on furniture. She instantly died suffering from her fatal wound and her husband took seven years in prison. Quite a devastating ending for what could have been reversed had the concerned authorities been notified and the necessary steps been taken.

Although a bit diverse, the following pointers may assist in turning an uneven relationship into a happier one. Never expect marriage to be a dictatorship where you as a husband will exercise full authority. Regretfully this hopeless traditional thinking is still adopted by men and families in our societies. Women are no longer uneducated and need the guidance of men to make them feel secure. Your wife is a human being with her own independent achievements and character that is teaming up with you to initiate a balanced relationship. Think positively about marriage as a way to complete your inner self and emotional needs. You will never succeed in molding your wife into any expectations but the positive approach rests in resolving problems through maintaining an open mind, discussion and compromising. Settlements achieved through communication and dialogues are stable and long lasting. Always remember that you're a human being that can make mistakes and in need to constantly seek advice. The wisest rulers have advisors at their right hand to help them out in decision making.

Another powerful corner stone in a stable marriage is having an insight into your spouse’s needs and feelings. If this alone is fulfilled the amount of balance achieved is huge and positive. Lastly you can achieve all of this in a marriage and still have a beautiful supporting obedient wife to you. Obedience is something that a woman grants her husband out of her own free will because she loves him. It is never torn away from a woman through force. In return her husband will have the serious responsibility of assuring her continuously that he is worth her trust and obedience. After all, isn’t cultivating peace and love in your marriage better than planting a choking jungle of hostilities?

• The World Health Organization has reported that up to 70% of female murder victims are killed by their male partners.
• One in every three women in the world has experienced sexual, physical, emotional or other abuse in her lifetime.
• In the UK, 74% of men would report a dog being beaten to the police, but only 53% would report domestic violence to the police.
• According to a US study, boys who witness their father’s violence are 10 times more likely to engage in spouse abuse later in adulthood than boys from non-violent homes.
• A recent survey by the Kenyan Women Rights Awareness Program revealed that 70% of those interviewed knew neighbors who beat their wives. Nearly 60% said women were to blame for the beatings.


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